Learning to Let Go of Offence and Keep Your Peace

Choosing to Live Free From Offence

We live in an age of outrage. Scroll through social media, turn on the news, or even sit around a family dinner table and you’ll see how easily people take offence.

But for Christians, offence isn’t supposed to be our way of life.

Being offended might feel automatic, but it’s actually a choice.

I know that because for a long time, I chose it - without even realizing I was doing it.

The Cycle of Being Offended

For years, I lived in a near-constant state of offence when it came to my sister. Anyone really - I made myself victim to everything. But it really came out with my sister.

She criticized and judged everything about me - my mothering, the cleanliness of my house, how I spent money, even how I lived out my faith. Every conversation felt like walking into a trap.

It always ended the same way: me feeling hurt, defensive, and misunderstood.

I would spend hours replaying what she said, crafting imaginary arguments, or trying to justify myself. I felt victimized and anxious before every encounter, bracing for impact.

And none of it - not one bit of that energy - brought out the fruit of the Spirit in me.

Instead of peace, I had turmoil.
Instead of patience, I had resentment.
Instead of kindness, I had sarcasm and self-protection.

I told myself I couldn’t help it - of course I was offended. She was being cruel, and I was just reacting. It was her fault.

But then God began to show me that being offended wasn’t something happening to me. It was something happening in me.

The Turning Point

One day, after a particularly painful exchange, I sat before God and vented my frustration. I told Him I was tired of always feeling wounded, tired of walking away from conversations in tears, tired of the constant tension.

And in the quiet, I sensed Him whisper:
“You don’t have to pick up what she throws at you.”

That line changed everything.

It’s not that my sister suddenly changed - she didn’t. She just criticized my parenting choices the other day. But I began to see that offence is like a package: someone can deliver it, but I still have to decide whether or not to open it.

And as a follower of Jesus, secure in my identity as His daughter, I realized I could set that package down.

Offence Is a Trap

The Bible says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offence.” (Proverbs 19:11)

Offence feels righteous in the moment, but it’s really a trap.

When we take offence, we hand our peace over to the person who hurt us. We let their words or behavior dictate our emotional state. It’s like giving them remote control access to our hearts.

And the enemy loves that. Because an offended heart becomes a distracted heart.

When I was focused on my sister’s words, I wasn’t focused on what God was doing in me. When I was rehearsing my arguments, I wasn’t rehearsing grace.

Living offended keeps us stuck in cycles of bitterness, defensiveness, and comparison and it slowly hardens our hearts.

Learning to Stay Free

Living free from offence doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt. It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or avoiding boundaries.

It means refusing to dwell there.

It means learning to separate what someone says from who you are.

Because here’s the truth: if you know who you are in Christ - loved, chosen, secure, redeemed - you don’t have to take every comment personally.

When I started to root my worth in what God said about me, my sister’s words began to lose their sting.

I didn’t need to defend myself - God was my defender.
I didn’t need to win the argument - peace was my prize.
I didn’t need to prove her wrong - I just needed to stay right with God.

And I didn’t have to look for offence - I could see things through a lens of grace instead.

How I Practice Living Unoffended

It’s still a process, but here are a few truths that help me: